There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ve never been paralyzed by a mess. Overwhelmed doesn’t even really cover it.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t. They don’t know what it’s like to be ashamed of your messy house.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
Because I’ve been there, but – thank goodness – I’m not there anymore.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today
You defiantly made a positive impact by writing this as I have not been able to find anything or anyone that feel the pain of the mess. I have an addiction and have let my apartment just rot away but am ready to move on and rehab myself. I still feel like where do i put that one item cause i cant keep making a new home for each item. I want to just throw everything into boxes and put them in a storage unit till i buy a house. That way there is few items that can make mess and clutter. Guess I just gotta keep pushing.
Shawn
It’s definitely a HARD thing to do – but I do think it’s worth it! Just take one day at a time.
This helped me so much… I’m not a mom, but a very driven woman who owns a farm and struggles to keep up the house. Dishes everywhere, clothes everywhere. I live on my own so it’s no concern when it’s just the day to day, but I have pride in my place, I’m just glad to hear it isn’t just me. I swept the entry way and did a load of laundry today and took out some garbage… that’s one step for me!
Other helpful tips I’ve found out is to play energetic music while you clean. That helps a whole lot! Also you needed to emphasize the throwing stuff out that has no designated home/place in your house…or whatever hasn’t been used in a year or two. (Clothes- 6 months!) If it hasn’t been used for so long – it’s never going to be used, so throw it or donate it! The less stuff you have, the less mess you’ll have.
I could just hug your neck. It feels so good to not feel so alone and overwhelmed. I was raised in a VERY clean home! Mom was a fabulous organizer and cleaner and I was always proud to have anyone come home with me. Fast forward a few decades and here I am, absolutely paralyzed and miserable because I can’t find peace in my own home. Clutter is SO LOUD, if that makes any sense. It’s like constant static that I can’t get away from. Sometimes I throw away perfectly good stuff by the bag full just to not have to deal with it. Lonely. I don’t even decorate for holidays because it’s just more stuff that nobody would see because I would die before I’d have someone come over (without HOURS of notice, LOL). Sorry for the ramble – TL;DR: Great article. Thanks!
I agree COMPLETELY! Clutter is very loud and it makes it difficult to perform everyday tasks. I totally understand where you are coming from – and LOL at decorating!
Oh my gosh. This article is LIFE CHANGING. I have been overwhelmed with the mess in my home for years now. It gets clean then slowly the mess creeps up. I’m at a point now that I don’t even want to be at my own home. This is a brilliant article and it gives me hope. Thank you so much
Kirsten,
Oh I am so glad it helped!!! I think most of us have been there – good luck!
Thank you! Just the fact that when I asked Siri “what room do I start cleaning in when my house is a wreck” and It found your article is awesome! I don’t feel like a lazy, crazy person now. Other people actually have these issues to?! Comforting to know that it can be done. Thank you for your contribution to us “messy people”. 😉
Amy,
LOL that’s funny! You are definitely not a crazy lazy person..we ALL have been there! Good luck with everything!
A-MEN!! Too funny about asking Siri … I never thought to ask my Google Mini how to tackle this! LOL!
LOL yes – unfortunately it’s not very helpful!
I just happened upon this post and was in tears by the third paragraph. Someone who actually gets it. Someone who isn’t judgmental or disgusted by the thought that someone can even have a messy home and not be bananas. Thank you! A thousand times, thank you!
Jessica, oh no problem – honestly I think there are SO many people out there like that…it’s too bad we cannot be more supportive of them. You are in good company. 🙂 I wish you the best!
How about this method? Start with the kitchen sink. When all the dishes are done scrub the sink and spill some sink water on the floor and then start mopping. Once the kitchen looks good it is much easier to tackle another room. The kitchen sink is the most important fixture in the house. It’s needed for other cleaning matters and for eating. Start there.
Tom, you are right – the sink is pretty dang important!
This answered my one question I had for myself. Thank you!
I am an apartmentanager/maintenance person. I still feel like a crazy lazy person. I need help. (Tears) great article but I still am unable to work out of my embarrassing apartment. I .ran who does this, what kind of person am I that I let this happen. I am a spitting image of your description from above. My parents were clean how did I get like this. I was in the army, I am a border and I need help but do to know how to get it.
Jerry, I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now. I think the most important thing to remember is it WILL get better. You know it’s a problem – and eventually you’ll be at the point where you will do something about it. Give yourself a little grace and a little time. <3
Oh man, do I have this bad. The biggest problem for me is that I DO put those things away, one by one… but they keep coming back too fast! Whether it is the baby pulling the books and DVDs (and everything else) onto the floor, or more mail (physical and digital) coming in, or my 7 year old who seems to find it impossible to pick up after herself. I still get woken a minimum of 3 times per night and my back hurts from the constant lifting and carrying of a 10kg+ baby. I don’t have family nearby, nor can afford a cleaner. My husband helps when he can but he works long, hard hours. Honestly, doing this day after day is frankly maddening. I know it will get easier, but some people seem to manage this- why can’t I? The only solution I can think of is to put literally everything out of reach of the baby, and live a minimalist life… if I could find the time to put in shelving and do a proper de-clutter… *SIGH.
Helen, I totally get it – it’s impossible to keep a clean house with kids!
watch videos on youtube produced by the minimal mom. Shes a mom of 4 that has “gotten it together.”
Hey Helen I don’t know if this will help but here’s what I did when I found cleaning after my kids and hubs was actually contributing to my health negatively. (I had to do something because I want to be here for my children’s future! that is way more important to me than anything else) it was dramatic but I did it.
1. clear away EVERYTHING into boxes and bins from every room. Label each box (random electronics/cords tech stuff…random old winter clothes kids…random bathroom stuff..random kitchen drawer, house tools) only leave a few toys, a few dishes and utensils and necessities from every room out. Period. No one needs 100 plates and forks etc and your family will just use them up and never clean the first one. Hello FULL sink every 20 minutes. No one needs 100 books and DVDS. No counter needs a blender toaster rotisserie oven fruit bowl, 12 boxes of cereal and random mail junk all over. I found that if I could see the floor corners of the room and see the surfaces of my tables and counters etc I felt like I won the mess battle.
you can do this woman 💘at first everyone will start asking you where their doll is or where the hammer is or where is that one Random cord went but, eventually you will realize a bunch of the stuff that’s in those boxes are actually not so important. Give it a week living with these 12 boxes in the house and keep the stuff that gets taken out of them. Get rid of the rest. Get it out the house.
PS For cute store that’s out of the way from the baby: Buy fashionable suitcases and ottomans until you have time install shelves. 😊sending big hugs one tired mother to another
Thank you for the article …. i’ve been reading the comments and I don’t feel so alone. I haven’t started on my task . But I grew up in a spotless home , and kept a clean home until my mother died . That’s when everything went down hill . And I couldn’t let go of her things, now I look around and think oh my god what was I thinking ??? I am paralyzed in this mess and lost.I think if I did the one item thing .. I would be doing this till eternity. It’s time to ask for help. But people don’t have patients that want to help and want to throw valueable things/antiques away?!. I actually can’t believe I live in this house, emotionally attached to items that I never even use . It’s pathetic. And it makes me literally sick .
You AREN’T alone. And it’s okay – I think many of us really struggle with getting rid of things that are “emotionally charged” for us. That just means you are human. I am so glad to hear that you will ask for help, it sounds like that would be a really good thing for you right now. I wish you the best <3
It might take awhile but you can do this.I am taking a break every fifteen and I swithch it up.Helps me.Life is shame and stress free when you downsize.Dishes and all the laundry done and put up can be lifechanging.You will feel pride and breathe freely once you tackle the laundry motivation will push you to get organized.I am in a pit myself but after reading this I’m reminded how much better life is when your space is tidy.Good luck and remember there is hope.
oh goodness. Your mother would be so sad to see you feeling like this, whatever those items are I know it is not worth your health and sanity. Your memory of your mother is what is powerful, her blender or her couch might not be worth the trade. Please keep the things that truly can be passed down in the family and everything else must go with respect and thankfulness for the uses it gave. It is time to move forward and do what you know you have to do now, honor yourself. YOU are your mother’s most cherished possession. You are not pathetic, you just want to change the circumstances and guess what, you totally can.
Sending hugs to you deeply.
wow i thought i was the only one who couldnt move when the house looks awful lol im right there right now : /
Krystalyn, oh I am SO sorry to hear that! Don’t worry – you got this!
Amazing article I’m smoothed by total mess and clutter I work full time and the only time I feel in control of my life is when I am at work where I hold down a responsible job. I have every good intention of cleaning the skip I call home, I make lists and rotas but it just never happens. I clean my grandsons flat to within an inch of its life so why can’t I do it for myself I deserve a clean tidy peaceful place that I am proud of and my home is none of these. I will definitely try the one thing at a time method but the amount of stuff at one thing at a time is going to take me a long time but at least it is a start
Kate – little by little is definitely a start, and it’s the most we can do sometimes. Good luck <3
I know exactly how you feel! your words are mine! Ed
Thank you Carla. My home used to be reasonably clean and tidy when my kids were young but as they grew up and accumulated more stuff and I had started working full time . The only time I had to work on the house was the weekend when I was absolutely exhausted after working all week and often I just couldn’t do it all. The mess grew gradually and I’ve beaten myself up over it for over twenty years now. Recently I was forced to resign from job and I decided that now’s the time to get started on the years of accumulated junk, clothes, papers. etc before I get another job. My grown kids will help me a bit too I hope and as they see the improvements may be motivated to help further. There’s no doubt that throwing away the stuff that’s broken is a great start and clearing old paperwork, donating stuff to charity are great places to start. Rome wasn’t built in a day so it’s a gradual process.
I like how you mention that when cleaning a messy house, you should address the clutter and disorganization in your home for good. I have been so busy lately, that I’ve let my house get so dirty. I will definitely keep your tips in mind when trying to get my house back in order.
Brooklyn – good I am glad it helped! Good luck clearing the clutter!
I understand this mess problem. I don’t have a kid. But I do have fibromyalgia, and assorted pain problems, sickness. I haven’t been able to keep up with anything for years. But I just have to realize I can do what I can for now and let the next part until I feel better. I can’t be that hard on myself. It makes it worse. Right now, I am attacking one room at a time. Plus I have a new puppy which means there is more mess everywhere. But she helps me cope by being comforting and making me laugh. My energy doesn’t last longer than 4 hours at a time. but I do seem to get a little done. I let the laundry go for weeks. But I do try to wash dishes everyday and that makes me feel wonderful . Well, have fun doing your housework. It makes it easier.
Kk, I am so sorry – I can’t imagine how hard that would be! I think you have the right idea though – lower your self-set expectations and just do a little at a time (and know that that is ok). Good luck <3
I related so much to this article. I suffer from mental illness and had a breakdown a couple of years ago and i let my house go little by little and started getting worse last year and unbearable. My own parents dnt even visit me like they haven’t been in my home for years. I have 2 little ones and I don’t work I’m a stay at home mom but its so hard to clean with 2 kids and i get so overwhelmed. I’ve attempted many times to clean but its so hard to keep it clean now i got bugs and my dresser is so clutter with trash. I was always slob when i was a teenager but i cleaned my room every once in a while. I’ve been dealing with being depressed but I’m slowly getting to be myself again and I don’t want my kids to grow up in flith and i would love to have company over. This article truly understood me and gave me hope.
<3 <3
I have 2 bedrooms upstairs that turned in to the catch all. I want to clean out. Each time I try to do it myself it feels like its worse. I can’t work very long before I start breathing heavily. I have had a few people help me but it gets expensive. I have started to bag clothes. I just need to call someone to pick it up. I just find it easier to do it with someone else helping me.
Mary – these are all valid ideas. Congrats on getting it taken care of – I know how hard it is. <3
I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you have done here! I don’t know if you know this but you are giving a voice to those of us ashamed and/or afraid to speak out and showing us we really aren’t alone. I have battled depression for so long and it is debilitating! “Cheer up”, “It’ll be ok” or “It’s not that bad” make me sick. If I could just “cheer up” or could simple think/say “It’s not that bad” I wouldn’t be depressed!! Your mind literally will not allow you to see the good in anything. Sorry a little off subject but that’s part of the reason my personal mess has gotten so bad. I cannot stand for anyone to just show up and I never ever invite others over. Other sites have no clue! They say things like “wipe down your baseboards” Seriously?!?! I can’t even see mine, they disappeared around the same time as any pride I had! Any way I jist wanted to say thank you so much to you amd those that have left a comment. Thank you all for giving us a voice and some hope. Great method, I am definitely trying this. God bless you and those that understand!
Amanda – I’m SO glad you found it helpful…yes I think there’s more of us out there than anyone realizes. Hang in there girl. <3
I needed to read this. I am a hoarder, trying to break free of my hoarding habits. I don’t bring new stuff in anymore, but have been unable to figure out how to clean it all up and have a normal living space. After reading this, I reached out to a friend who is willing to help, and we are going to take this next week to declutter and reorganize everything. I have a goal to throw out a good 90% of what is there because I simply do not use it, and it’s in bad condition. I hope to have my life back in order soon. Thank you so much for this post.
I’m going to start right away and do just what I can do. I’m over 80 and run out of energy quickly but I can’t blame anyone but myself. The only thing I have to do is keep my room tidy. We have a cleaning lady every 2 weeks and it looks fair when she leaves. I don’t Expect her to put things away. I live with family and the rest of the house looks great. I don’T have to cook and I don’t do my laundry. I do have to put it away.. I guess I have too many toys…. sewing, crocheting, reading and crosswords and too much STUFF. Too many crafts and far too lazy. Every day I say this is the day. How can I be such a slob?
Today I will start on thing at a time!!! THANK YOU for helping me
Gram – you’ve definitely got this!!! Best of luck <3
Part of my problem is that when I moved into my place, I never got a firm place to put stuff. Answering the question, “Where does this go?” is difficult right now because I have to figure out how to make the space for it. That’s an executive functioning task that is really difficult with my ADHD. I did have a friend help me once about a year ago; but I don’t feel right asking people to help me where I need it most (in my room) because it’s so tiny, and there’s barely enough room for one person in there let alone two. It’s so hard not to be hard on myself about this stuff, but I do know that being hard on myself paradoxically makes it even harder to tackle, so I try not too. Pretty discouraged right now and need to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Meredith – I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now – it can be incredibly difficult to NOT be hard on yourself. Remember that you aren’t alone and your mess does NOT define you as a person. Perhaps it’s worth asking for help again..we ALL need support sometimes and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hugs <3
How to do this if your partner is a terrible mess market and doesn’t listen to you when your speaking to them? Please help me with this one!!!
Chrissy – perhaps it’s worth talking to a counselor? Relationships are HARD – sometimes mine doesn’t listen very well either lol.
Thank you SO MUCH for writing this! It’s good to know that I’m not alone! The worst part about it is I DON’T have kids yet! Yikes. Thanks again! 💖