There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ve never been paralyzed by a mess. Overwhelmed doesn’t even really cover it.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t. They don’t know what it’s like to be ashamed of your messy house.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
Because I’ve been there, but – thank goodness – I’m not there anymore.
Step one in cleaning a terribly messy house sounds overly simple, but please don’t overlook it just because it’s simple:
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Now, let’s talk about this in detail, but I know the above seems over-simplified.
You’ll need some structure and routine to keep you on track!
IF your mess is as bad as I image it is, picking up one thing at a time and putting it away is actually going to take days (and that is ok), but a PLAN will help you keep moving forward.
Start by printing a simple home cleaning planner – with daily + weekly task lists, spring + fall cleaning checklists, and room by room cleaning checklists to make sure it all gets DONE.
If you regularly lose a weekend to a cleaning ‘blitz’ – that doesn’t actually accomplish anything because you just bounce from room to room – a planner with checklist will help.
CLICK HERE TO GET OUR HOME CLEANING PLANNER!
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
With your printed cleaning schedule in hand, you can start to tackle the mess.
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
Remember:
You pick up one thing. The nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Work through one room per day (or half a room per day) according to the cleaning schedule you made.
Once your house is tidy, these 6 daily habits for a clean home will help you KEEP it that way.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today
This was really sweet of you, thank you. It’s nice to know other people can go through this. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed.
LOADS of other people go through this 🙂 I think it’s the human condition for half the humans out there!
Thank you! I knew I wasn’t alone, but it’s nice to hear other’s stories. My potato story came from putting a bag in my cool basement laundry room. I discovered it after a bunch of baby flies showed up on the window in the stairwell. In spite of concidering myself to have quite a keen sense of smell, I must be “nose blind” and easily distracted in my own home. Throw them in a compost pile or hole in the garden and forget them again. You may get a surprise to harvest later!
I’m afraid to watch “Hoarders” because it might hit too close to home. I grew up in a very tidy home, so this was not a learned habit like it may be for my own children! If the socks weren’t in a laundry basket, they wouldn’t know where to find them. Yet my tidy, organized mother said she didn’t grow up in a neat home, so it is might be more of a brain type thing. I have struggled with this all my adult life and can no longer say it is from having children or being too busy working. I have come to realize this is just who I am and it doesn’t make me a bad or lazy person. Not everyone likes shopping or cooking, so why is everyone, women especially, expected to love housework. Hoping it would change with a bigger, smaller or new home never seemed to happen. I always find myself back at this place in spite of my vows to keep it up.
Working in a senior living facility, I tell myself I need to start habits that will help if I develop memory loss or get very sick. Other people posting here are or have dealt with that already. I think how everything having a place and going back there would be a tremendous help. Keeping things I will never get around to using or for pure sentimental reasons is a problem I feel I should solve. Think of the people left to clear out my house!
I have a reaccuring dream of finding a room I have completely forgotten. It is clean and full of closets, cupboards, shelves, counters or other wonderful space for storing things. It has big sunny windows for my houseplants and often a big deck through beautiful french doors. I hate waking up from that dream! On the other hand, my other reaccuring dream involves trying to pack for a trip and not being able to find anything or even decide what I need to take. So I may decide to buy it when I get there, only to have multiples and more stuff to clutter my house when I get home!
I’d ask or even pay for help, but that seems more distressing than doing it myself. Besides being embarrassed, my past experience of giving down-on-their-luck friends a place to stay taught me that things I value may be junk to others. I’ve had so many things ruined, broken, thrown away and stolen, I have a hard time thinking of letting someone go ahead and clean. For me, guiding someone else and answering questions while I work would just cause an anxiety attack.
So the big question is: WHERE TO START? You have the answer for people like me. ONE thing at a time. Baby steps add up and as I see a little progress I find some motivation.
Ideas I like-
Setting a TIMER: Telling myself to just put in 10 or 15 minutes doesn’t feel overwhelming and I usually find myself going much longer. I also like using COMMERCIAL BREAKS as short, easy time slots to unload the dishwasher or breakup another job like cleaning the bathroom. I may end up missing part of a tv show, but it probably wasn’t that important anyway.
COUNTING helps me work on a job with lots of repetition. I challenge myself to pull 25 weeds every time I walk through the yard. I often end up doing many times that. Or pick up 5 things before I leave the house or go to bed. Put away 10 things in every room.
I’ve tried challenging myself to doing something every day and marking it on a calendar. Promising myself a reward for doing it for a week is motivating. I learned in a seminar it takes 21 days to develop a new habit. It is worth a try!
When I do decide to concentrate on ONE ROOM at a time, I use BASKETS or BOXES for things that go in another room or for like things to sort later. Along with the garbage can and giveaway box, I might have mail, paperwork, magazines and books, craft supplies, junk drawer, laundry, things to clean, and other household members stuff. Those smaller collections can be sorted while watching tv or dealt with another time.
I like variety. I’m not really a creature of habit, so switching that idea around a bit to using a basket to go through the house picking up like items would work for me, too. Pick up everything to go downstairs or in the den.
I like the idea of piling everything on the bed and getting the floor clean. Or putting everything aside and cleaning the counter. The feeling of a clean floor or counters is a nice way to start out.
It all goes to breaking the daunting job of cleaning down into smaller pieces. Each giving you reachable goals and small successes.
One final thought to finish up the small book I’ve written here! My best motivation trick is MUSIC. It helps me focus by blocking out some distractions, perks up my mood and keeps me going longer. I love my rock and roll. So I put on headphones for those with a different taste in music and they only have to tolerate some off tune singing and an occasional dance move!
So for me, the key is to remember to use all these ideas more often! I know they work. I’ve just grown so accustomed to the clutter I don’t always recognize the stress it causes me.
WOW thank you for sharing all that!!! (And have you noticed that we ALL have a potato story!?)
I too become paralyzed. I’m not a lazy person, I am a slob, and while I usually don’t mind straightening up I’m not consistent. I usually can’t think past putting 5 items away at once. Other times I take a small basket in a room and fill it with anything that belongs in other rooms. I immediately take the basket around the house and put the items in the basket away where they belong. I have to MAKE myself put that item in it’s proper place. That way when I make my way around to the other rooms that item has been put away and hasn’t added to the pile. A laundry basket is to big and would be daunting. There are times when I can only put one thing away at a time. It makes me feel pathetic but usually I’m at a point of being overwhelmed by multiple things on my mind. When I’m done going from room to room putting things away I don’t have energy to clean the way I want to so a quick clean is all I can manage which is passable. I read somewhere that we should clean an item and stick with that until done. Example: Wash all the interior doors in the home until they are all done, wash all the windows in the home, sweep and wash baseboards, clean all the ceiling fans, wash off all cabinetry, move furniture and vacuum all the floors. Wash your rugs and mop all the floors that need mopping. Etc. Do a big job each day to get caught up on the spring cleaning and enlist the help of family members if possible. That way it’s one thing at a time. Don’t start a new item until the one you’re working on is finished. Lastly, lets say I get room # 1 picked up today. I go back to that room the following day and put the few things that have resurfaced then move on to room #2. On day 3, I move back to room 1 & 2 – tidy them then move to room 3. Eventually I’ve moved through the whole house Being consistent is the hard part.
When I saw this article I thought OMG, that’s me but honestly I just recently got this way but it just keeps getting worse every day. I could write a book on how I got this way but I will try to make it brief. I am retired but am now working part time at Peddlers Mall, Bab idea. I love my job but I am a shopaholic. I am always bringing stuff home that I feel like I’ve got to have and then I can’t decide what I’m going to do with it and so the pile keeps getting bigger. I also get real tired and just can’t do what I use to do and I get real frustrated and depressed and say the heck with it but I can’t say that anymore. I have got to get my house in order. Christmas is coming and I really want to decorate but now I have another problem. I hurt my back somehow and my siactica nerve has been killing me. I went to the Dr and he gave me some meds to help it but I’m sure it will take some time. So here I am with this clutter and mess that I’m still looking at but your advice gave me hope. Thank you so much and I too also found a stinky bag of rotten potatoes in my pantry. God Bless you.
I love that everyone can relate to the potato thing!!! I had no idea it would be that way when I wrote this LOL. <3
Thank you for your article! I am totaly there! But since 2 month i follow an advise which is working for me : i have to throw away or donate 3 items per day and I cross it off in a calender . I often do more just for the joy of crossing off and also for the days I haven’t any time or energie. Three items per day is few but over the time it pays off!
I am so happy for this PIN!!! I was really ready to go to a shrink!.. (thinking I may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown) ;currently I am having one of the bedrooms renovated and things are everywhere . I feel inside I can not get rid of things, but inside I can’t move and become depressed. I can’t say thank you enough!!! for allowing me to see I am NOT alone!
AWw you are DEFINITELY not alone! (There appear to be MANY people here who understand, based on these comments!)
I’ve been there many of many times in my life, in fact, it’s the story of my life. I am very neat, clean, detailed, perfectionist, and can be quite obsessive about it BUT, I can’t keep up all the time on a constant basis, hence my house frequently becomes an overwhelmed mess house and I have to wait for that spark of energy to clean it ALL. Wash, rinse, repeat. It’s a viscous cycle. I know that paralyzing fear all too well.
After living with this for over 21 years, my advice is that if you get to that point where your home is a disaster, a literal disaster and you are just so overwhelmed by it, then I would say to start throwing things away. I remember one time, I got so fed up with doing the dishes, working, schooling, taking care of kids, that I threw all the dirty dishes, pots and pans in the trash. Yep I sure did. I came home and there was the disaster kitchen waiting for me, I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed a box and a trash bag , took all the dirty dishes, pots and pans out of the sink, and threw ALL of them away. It was soooooooooooooooooooo liberating and such a relief!!!! I went to the store the next day and bought new ones. A little at a time. My point is, if you can’t keep up all the time and you get hit with the overwhelming mess from time to time, take short cuts. Cheat. Throw crap away and start over. It’s the o nly way you’re going to survive.
My biggest problem is that I do get this feeling… every time. And the amount of time I have to work on it gets me through, at most, one room in the house. Then, when I feel like I could tackle the next room, the original room is back to this point from my family “living ” in it… And there’s no one to help. How do you combat that to actually get the whole house to a manageable point?
P.S.
We have been through some major life stuff this year that makes it hard to get the motivation to do this to begin with… So it knocks me down quite a bit each time I have to do it again. So that’s an added challenge. (Just to give you the full picture)
Thank you so much for your blog , I have been looking for a site that really expresses what I am going through, and some solutions! I am a older disabled ( severe back problems ) Grandma raising 4 grandkids that help very little and I feel judged whenever anyone visits . My home is clean but messy. I have my standards so high and I can’t keep up and I feel frustrated daily. When I was young raising my 2 kids I kept a clean tidy house proud Home. How can I get over my embarrassments and quit beating myself up over this ? I come from generations of OCD housewives that’s helped influence me. Any advice or me ? Thank you !
I used to hear stories of people who had tons of things in their homes and I would laugh about it,then I started going to thrift stores and flea markets,well my house became so cluttered with items it was costuming me at times,I want to throw out certain items and still recall what I paid for it.I need help and do struggle figuring out what to do with it.now I understand it’s not a laughing matter it’s become an illness I must overcone.
I think knowing it’s something you must (and WANT) to overcome is the first big step!!
I LOL’d out with relief, joy and gratitude that there was at least one person who get’s
it and is not judgmental . Thank you, for your compassionate and practical advice which will carry all of us who struggle with the same challenge. God Bless Your Mother for instilling and gifting you with this knowledge and your generosity in sharing it with us.
May God Continue To Bless You And Your Family!
Tami
<3 You too Tami!!
You totally get me. I’m sooo overwhelmed. On top of that I have disabilities that don’t enable me to do more than 15 minutes at a time. Looking forward to your suggestions…..I’m drowning…..
I wish you all the best Marie! 15 minutes at a time is a GOOD start – just do ten things, in the 15 minutes.
Marie I understand how having a disability can prevent us from cleaning the way we would like, I miss the days where I could whip through the house in an hour. I have mobility issues (Lymphedema in legs) so I can only stand and do things until my legs start to swell. We have a small house, that holds my husband, teen son and myself, plus all our ‘treasures’!!
If you are at the point that you are just snowed under, you may have to ask for help. Do you have someone that can help get you caught up, then all you have to do is maintain it afterward? I have spent the past two days, headphones on listening to my favorite tunes, and just dove in head on, I was that sick of the mess.
I wish you clarity for you, as you go along.
I get that it would be helpful to ask for help, but there is no way I could allow anyone into my apartment when it’s as bad as it is right now! I wouldn’t even pay a stranger to help me at this point. Maybe a robot that was literally incapable of judging me!?
My Momma always said you can’t eat an elephant with one bite lol. Her advice was to go through the house with a big trash bag and pick up all the trash. Not just what is in the trash cans but everything such as used napkins, Kleenex, paper, wrappers, junk mail, etc. Next take a laundry basket from room to room and gather all the dirty laundry. Take this to laundry room and put in a load of big stuff: towels, jeans, sheets… not a load of baby clothes or kids stuff where you are checking a million pockets, and pretreating each piece. Take the laundry basket back through each room and gather all dirty glasses, dishes, whatever you will need to wash and take to kitchen. Load the dishwasher or fill sink with straight hot soapy water and put whey you can in it and let it soak. At this point you are ready to do the one thing at a time until it’s time to switch out the laundry. When you clear the floor of one room do a quick vacuum or dust mop and move on. Always start in the room you spend the most time in then do a sink of dishes, come back and put away when dry or nearly dry. It may take a few days to do an entire house but it is so satisfying to make a little progress on laundry, clutter, dishes all at once.
Hi Carly,
I’m so glad you made this article. I am a single mom and an older single mom! I work and come home EXAUSTEDall the time. I too have the cludder bug syndrome! Its so hard to keep a clean house work and raise a child was hard when I was younger. Bit now that Im 49 with an 8 year old daughter it has gotten WORSE!!!! I am going to start your ideas tonight when o get off work. Thanke yall!
And I think we all need to take a weekend and hit each others house and just clean each others house! ☺ Yall remember when we used to go to someone elses house and helped clean? We could get a bunch done that way! ☺ Ok. Love yall bunches! Good luck ladies! Im with ua and praying we all get this done! Have a great day! Cheryl?
It is as if you have been to my house and looking in my fridge. Thanks so much!! I think I can do this one item at a time.
thank you so much…. I needed some kind of guidance because though i love my home when its neat and organized some how my husband and I find ourselves in the middle of a tremendous messy home to the point where we are way to embarrassed of having people over….. But going by your tips I was able to tackle it without overwhelming myself to the point of stress!!! thanks again
I have this problem frequently. It’s made worse by the fact that every stinkin year, we have peak season at work from right after Christmas until MAY. I work 50-60 hours per week for MONTHS. During this time, my home gets cluttered FAST, PLUS there’s all the Christmas stuff to clean up (seriously, for YEARS, I was lucky to get my decorations put away by FEBRUARY),,,On top of that, we have a small house and our daughter and her other half and our grand daughter (almost 2) live WITH us. Then, on top of that, I have osteoarthritis in BOTH knees, and standing or walking for more than 10 minutes HURTS. So, during peak season at work, my house is generally in SHAMBLES. Sometimes it’s just completely mindnumbing how easy it is to just completely FREEZE and not know what to do so you do NOTHING.
I would suggest that you make a plan ahead of time. Say less decorating or that your daughter and her SO clean and take down the decor. Maybe even hiring someone to come in once or twice a week. Maybe a chore wheel. I don’t know what if any help you get from your daughter ect, but perhaps you can make/agree that helping to keep things up during that time is a condition to continuing to be able to live with you.
Thank you for this I did find it helpful but I’m still working through being stuck. I went through one item at a time and the things I’ve decided I wanted to keep are all in a keep pile because I have no idea where to put them. I’m redecorating my room so now I have piles of things I want to keep and not a clue where I should be putting them. The struggle is real I tell ya!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Ok I understand this but what about everything that doesn’t get have a home but you want/need to keep it. My craft room has become my crap room.
Crap room definition: the room where everything goes to hide.
you need to MAKE a home for that stuff!