There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ve never been paralyzed by a mess. Overwhelmed doesn’t even really cover it.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t. They don’t know what it’s like to be ashamed of your messy house.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
Because I’ve been there, but – thank goodness – I’m not there anymore.
Step one in cleaning a terribly messy house sounds overly simple, but please don’t overlook it just because it’s simple:
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Now, let’s talk about this in detail, but I know the above seems over-simplified.
You’ll need some structure and routine to keep you on track!
IF your mess is as bad as I image it is, picking up one thing at a time and putting it away is actually going to take days (and that is ok), but a PLAN will help you keep moving forward.
Start by printing a simple home cleaning planner – with daily + weekly task lists, spring + fall cleaning checklists, and room by room cleaning checklists to make sure it all gets DONE.
If you regularly lose a weekend to a cleaning ‘blitz’ – that doesn’t actually accomplish anything because you just bounce from room to room – a planner with checklist will help.
CLICK HERE TO GET OUR HOME CLEANING PLANNER!
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
With your printed cleaning schedule in hand, you can start to tackle the mess.
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
Remember:
You pick up one thing. The nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Work through one room per day (or half a room per day) according to the cleaning schedule you made.
Once your house is tidy, these 6 daily habits for a clean home will help you KEEP it that way.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today
I have this same problem. I found setting a timer for 15 minutes, or 30 minutes REALLY helps me. I don’t feel so overwhelmed if I give myself a time limit. Then if I feel like setting the timer for another chunk of time, which usually I do because I’m so pleased with how much I got done in that first chunk of time…AND, when I am overwhelmed, another thing I do is start in one are of the room and work, say, clock-wise around the room, that helps make it seem not so overwhelming too.
Great Tip Vivian!! I can absolutely see how that would help with the overwhelm. Thank you for sharing 🙂
What a ridiculously easy way of tackling that mountain of stuff everywhere in the house. From all the comments submitted, you have really helped so many people! Especially those of us with too many hobbies who have papercraft mountains, fabric mountains, yarn mountains, etc ………… Thank you.
Hey Janine – I have to admit I was surprised at the number of responses to this post. It seems like we live in a busy busy world with lots and lots of stuff… and we’re all not that different! You’re so welcome, and thank you for reading <3
Thanks, Carly. The article and comments are so helpful. Anyone with autoimmune illness can so easily get in this state. ?
I long for help, but those who want to “help” often cause more tears and frustration than good.? They need to understand that I do, from long ⌛experience, know what works for my family ? and what doesn’t.? I need their respect, not judgment. ?
Your article & the discussion that follows is a ? reminder to help me get/stay on track. ?
Right now my “dining/craft” room is filled with empty and “to go” ?boxes. I need help getting the boxes “to go” to Goodwill or ?
“Homelessness” for my keepers ? is my biggest concern. I hope sorting and removing the trashables and donateables will simplify that. Energy is an issue for me, too. I just keep trying, though, bit by bit.
Thank you for Sharing Robyn! I can imagine autoimmune and the struggles that come with it just add another layer of frustration to this situation for sure :/ I’m sorry to hear your energy is so down! But good for you for working on your “getting rid of”. Just keep at it! slow and steady!
Hi Robyn,
I have started scheduling pick ups for my “to go” boxes online and it really helps me get them out of my apartment! I use donatestuff.com and I’ve never had any problems. ☺
Love your simple yet effective advance! I personally love organizing, but hate cleaning I know that sounds like a complete oxymoron but it is true. Something about finding places and buying pretty baskets is fun, but sweeping or cleaning the toilet just does not get me going. I have never thought to have someone else there not helping for say as much as keeping me on track as you put it. I use this same concept to stay motivated to work out just never thought to apply it somewhere else, thanks!
Hahaha yes I can absolutely understand the difference between cleaning and organizing 😉 makes 100% sense!
Thank you for sharing this with the world. Thank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank you! ??????
You’re MOST welcome xx
Ok this is totally me right now because we just got back from taking our kids camping. I will try focusing on one thing at a time, I’m just afraid that all the messy little people will follow behind me dropping stuff, lol.
I love your emphasis on getting that item you’re holding out of the house if it doesn’t belong. I’ve been working on decluttering and I think it’s starting to really help that there is less stuff in the house to be left out and make a mess.
Alicia you made me LOL with “all the messy little people” …. yes sometimes I think it feels like we are bailing water out of a sinking ship – but don’t give up!
Wow, this really resonated with me. My now-wife and I moved into a new apartment last fall, a place twice as big as the old one, with a ton of closets & storage space. We swore when we moved that we would make the effort to put things away, to have a place for everything…so a few months later, when our 2nd bedroom was still full of unpacked boxes and most of the flat surfaces in the apartment were covered with papers, I felt completely stuck and ashamed. Moving was our big chance to live a less cluttered life, to not be embarrassed to have people over…and admitting that we hadn’t changed our old habits was really hard.
We somehow roped ourselves into inviting my whole family over for Fathers Day, and spent the two weeks before that freaking out and doing our best to declutter, right up to the day everyone came over. We wound up just hiding some stuff or shoving things in the back of closets just to get them out of the way–but I let that be okay, as long as I came back to it later, which I did! Much to my shock, my whole family — which includes two neat freaks, including my dad, was really impressed with our place. Since then, my wife & I made a goal to try to keep the place as neat as possible. I make an effort not to let mail pile up, to shred or recycle stuff right away — no more putting off decisions! I know it’s only been a few weeks, but so far so good!
Thanks so much for your post!
HI Jessica! Thanks for sharing – IT sounds like you have made major strides in becoming clutter free – congrats! (BTW, you will NEVER get tired of feeling like it’s OK for people to come over because you are proud of the way your place looks!)
Thank you. I have one of those messes right now and feel overwhelmed. We moved last year and my bedroom looks like hoarders. I developed cancer and was too sick to mess with it, so it is still there. I am feeling better
but was feeling overwhelmed. Thanks for the advice.
I’m so sorry to hear about the cancer – and the mess! I’m glad you’re feeling better now Carol, and I know you will feel EVER BETTER once you tackle the mess. Good luck 🙂
Thanks for this article. I’ve always been judged for not having my house clean. I often look at the “mess” and have a mental vision of my house being tidy but I’m just ,Paralyzed!! This helps me understand that I’m not the only one going through this. One thing at a time works best for me. Does it have a home in my home? Good question! Now this will be the question for everything I grab on my hands 🙂 Thank you once again.
You are so welcome Eliza! You are DEFINITELY not the only one going through this
This post is exactly how I feel. You get me, and I thank you for putting myself into words I couldn’t find. I’m in a nasty ocd/anxiety/depression/near-hoarder cycle. But this gives me hope. Thank you.
I am so glad you enjoyed the post Meredith! I think there are more people in that cycle that we will EVER know.
So I’m reading these articles on decluttering, etc. But they don’t address my problem. One of the very many reasons I left my ex-fiance 20 years ago.
How do you declutter when everyone you live with doesn’t have a problem with it?
I want the kids to grow up knowing this is NOT normal.
HI Carol … yikes, I can’t imagine how stressful that is. That’s a hard question for me to answer because I have a hard time understanding how anyone could not have a problem with it. I guess that’s why clutter can (like you mentioned) break up relationships 🙁 I wish you all the best!
Currently paralyzed by the mess. Close to a week’s old unwashed dishes in the sink. Laundry still needs folding and our newborn needs constant attention. I quit. Ha.
Glad I found your blog. It’s to know you’re not alone.
Aw it’s ESP. hard when you have a newborn!! Just enjoy babe and try not to think about the mess for a few months 🙂
Thanks for the article. I am a big hoarder of things reminiscent to me. I have followed your advice and finished my first room which was the kitchen/dining room. Whatever I hadn’t used in the last month went out to the goodwill.
Now for the living room. It is much easier than I thought it would be. To make it even better my son came for a visit and commented on how nice the kitchen/dining room looked. Thanks.
WOW Margaret. It sounds like you got this under control!! That is so exciting 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing. I hate that paralyzing feeling! It’s great to know I’m not alone. I love your concept! I will be trying this very soon!!
It’s the BEST way 🙂
Everything like everybody else had said. ..down to the potatoes. .done it so many times finally figured out one day what i thought was maybe a dead mouse-smell somewhere was actually a bag of old potatoes. .and i realized how to describe what the smell of a dead mouse is most similar to…a bag of old potatoes. Lol..I m literally reading your article on pintrest sitting in my basement trying to get myself to “get to it”and do the Damn thing..because I’m so overwhelmed by the shameful pitiful lazy and there’s no good reason to justify this kind of mess…mess. i love the one item at a time mentality. .it worked to think that way when i used to walk long distances back in the day to not feel deflated with every step and feeling that there’s no finish in sight. But i know this one at a time thing will work, however my house is so oooo baaaaadddd rt now,i literally can’t put stuff back in its home because of the mess keeping me from having a clean space beforei can clean another space in order to have a space to clean up a space. …Yada Yada. ..i know there’sa ton of misc garbage and a lot of stuff i don’t need but in order to declutter and organize i need room to do that yet i dont have room coz of the stuff…so I’m just whining a little herei know the obvious to thisi just wanted to vent that i have the mess that makes me wish i had a tornado or something to blame for this or take it away.I’m not a pigpen or a Lazy person yet why does my house say otherwise? I’m so ashamed. .i will take your advise and the comments off the others as comfort that I’m not alone in this disorientating dump thati fear someone unfamiliar with my home would catch me off guard and see it one of these days and i need to push myself before that ends up being the actual reason i push myself into doing it because someone saw it. ..you know whati mean? Anyways i will do it and thank you for nailing it in your blog.
IT is just crazy how many people can relate to this! The potato smell is the WORST.
You are not alone! I once had 2 homes. I lost one and moved into the other one with the majority of things from the 1st home.The stuff got dropped in my living room. Then my mom passed away and left me a bunch of stuff. I actually hoped the same thing about the tornado…at least I would have an excuse for the mess! I never seem like I can get it together…I’m so ashamed that at almost 58 years old I still have trouble with keeping the house next. I’m giving my problem to God. He told me that the mess didn’t happen overnight and that I can’t expect it to get clean overnight. He did say to work on it a bit each day and eventually you will be able to have a clean home. Sometimes I tend to procrastinate. That can be my problem too. It is getting cleaner and there is a light at the end of that tunnel.
I think I know what some mean about not being able to put things away, because there is another out-of-place item in the way! And so on, and so on… until I can’t help but give up in frustration! I’m going to try the one thing at a time system but I have my doubts – back when I was married and my husband would bribe me to clean the kitchen, I would go around the room and systematically clean off all the counters, only to get back to where I started and realize the counters aren’t clean yet, I just got rid of the first layer of the mess and now I have a new level of mess to attend to. So assuming I’m feeling fairly well and can stand and bend and do what I need to to clean, it still takes me a week to do JUST. THE. KITCHEN! And of course the kitchen gets used every day, so when I feel finished and start on another room the kitchen starts creeping back to where I started with it!
Thank you for writing this. I thought I was the only one who had problems cleaning “the mess.” So simple but it it helped ALOT!
You are so not the only one!
I would like to add that it always helps to start with the easy stuff. Don’t start on family photos or baby clothes. Start with last weeks junk mail, dishes, recycling, cleaning out your fridge. Get some victories under your belt!
Oh my goodness yes, that is so wise!
Wow! This post got me off my booty and motivated me to clean today! I even came back to leave a comment. 😉 I was supposed to have two days on my own, but my 8-year-old son ended up with me for the two days through a situation that was beyond my control. I was grumpy about not having the time to myself, but had decided yesterday that he was going to help me clean up for one of the days. I googled “how to clean a disaster house” and say the word “paralyzed” in this post’s description and I just knew this was the one I needed to read.
So, I broke his huge mess in the living room up into manageable tasks while I took care of the kitchen and dining room. I have to say that just getting all of the STUFF where it should be (garbage, donation, or put away) WITHOUT thinking about busting out the actual cleaning supplies until everything was put away helped me IMMENSELY. Now I’m looking at decluttered (but not yet “clean”) surfaces and I finally feel like I can breath! Yes, there are still pockets of craziness around me, but the major stuff is done and I’m not bogged down by the feeling of “I should be cleaning right now” while I spend time with my kids or make dinner or whatever.
Thank you so very much for helping me get myself motivated to clean. My hubby is gone for two days and I know he will see, feel, and smell a difference when he walks into the house tomorrow. I’m so excited!
I’m SO excited that you were so inspired Tori – congrats on the major success there! (Feels amazing, doesn’t it?! )
Hi! I am ready to get it cleaned! I am a Paralyzed cleaner for sure! So, where do you get help? I do not know a friend I can ask. I need to find help!
HI there! I’m sorry I don’t have a great suggestion for you. I wonder if a maid service would come to help?
I laughed out loud when I read your graphic post that says something about being suffocated by the mess! I have been in this situation so many times! Due to a prolonged illness (years), and a spouse who is a clutter magnate, there have been times I just sat down and cried about the overwhelming amount of junk and ‘things’ to find places for. I admit to praying to God for help with all my might! I love order and beauty so much, so my situation really was extremely difficult.
Anyway, God did send help through some YouTube videos on how to declutter. I’m so grateful for the things I’ve learned through other people who have overcome this nightmare of a problem and offer suggestions as to how they found success!
Kudos to you for sharing your experiences! I applaude you and your efforts to help others become overcomes too!
HI Gail! It sounds like you really get it – Praise God for answered prayers <3