There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ve never been paralyzed by a mess. Overwhelmed doesn’t even really cover it.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t. They don’t know what it’s like to be ashamed of your messy house.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
Because I’ve been there, but – thank goodness – I’m not there anymore.
Step one in cleaning a terribly messy house sounds overly simple, but please don’t overlook it just because it’s simple:
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Now, let’s talk about this in detail, but I know the above seems over-simplified.
You’ll need some structure and routine to keep you on track!
IF your mess is as bad as I image it is, picking up one thing at a time and putting it away is actually going to take days (and that is ok), but a PLAN will help you keep moving forward.
Start by printing a simple home cleaning planner – with daily + weekly task lists, spring + fall cleaning checklists, and room by room cleaning checklists to make sure it all gets DONE.
If you regularly lose a weekend to a cleaning ‘blitz’ – that doesn’t actually accomplish anything because you just bounce from room to room – a planner with checklist will help.
CLICK HERE TO GET OUR HOME CLEANING PLANNER!
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
With your printed cleaning schedule in hand, you can start to tackle the mess.
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
Remember:
You pick up one thing. The nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Work through one room per day (or half a room per day) according to the cleaning schedule you made.
Once your house is tidy, these 6 daily habits for a clean home will help you KEEP it that way.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today
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I read this article because I wanted to find out WHY my friend, niece and daughter and most of the other young women I know are like this and was looking for a way to help them without judgement (out loud , anyway….can’t control what I’m thinking) ) I knew neatness and tidiness was not genetic…LOL but I did think I would pass along good habits vicariously by modeling. (Disappointed it didn’t work) They too, were raised in neat organized homes, yet their homes are NOT and look like some of the pics you have posted and describe! My usual MO is to do a clean sweep when I go there, but I wonder if I’m hurting or helping. They appreciate it for sure….but why can’t it be maintained? I guess I just don’t understand messy people. But your article describes perfectly how neat people think….naturally without all the effort! It also seems that YOU personally really wanted to NOT BE THAT MESSY person anymore and you discovered what we already know and do instinctively…Congratulations!
But what can I do to help them….any suggestions appreciated?
Denise this is a fascinating comment, and I want to follow up with you by email! I hope that’s ok! 🙂
I too am exactly as described, can’t invited but a few people over who I know won’t judge me. I hear it from my parents, I wasn’t raised this way.. my parents and sister are OCD so they really struggle with me. Call me a hoarder and things, which I am not. I’m very disorganized and get distracted very easy. I live in a very small house with little storage. 4children live in the same bedroom kind of small. I’m praying once we move and things have a place to live I can be more organized and bring order to my home. We are SO appreciative when someone comes in to help! At least I am forever grateful. What that person has done for me they will probably never understand. Maybe in the same way people get under their bills. I can’t really explain why I let things get out of control. I am extremely jealous of all the ladies who are able to keep a nice home. Thank you for writing this. I feel like I’m not alone and normal lol. Ladies you are all invited to my house! Lol. I just keep praying one day I’ll be able to see the light. On a silly note, I’m done having children but my husband still asks me if I’m ever going nest. Lol. Thanks again Carly!
O you are so not alone Heather! I think this is a pretty common struggle for us in our consumer driven culture…
Do you remember when you were a teenager and too big to crawl unto your mother’s lap for comfort when something bad happened so you end up on the couch, head in her lap, sobbing, as she gently whispers “It will be okay.”. You, my dear friend, are my “mother” right now and my head is in your lap, and you are whispering “It will be okay.”. I have ADD, medication does not work, I have two children and a husband plus a dog and I love them SO SO much and as I look around my home I feel shame, embarrassment, self hate…you know the feeling. I just would like to give them the home they deserve. After reading this, which I found when I was supposed to be cleaning, oops, I was crying somewhat, thinking finally someone who understands. With this post, which I will read and reread no doubt at least a thousand times, I will be forever grateful for you and your encouraging words. Thank you so much.
AW, Keeta, I’m so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I totally get it! Thank you for sharing this – I am so glad you enjoyed the post and I just want to encourage you to do ONE THING AT A TIME. With ADD you might really benefit from having someone come over and hand you one thing at a time? I know it helps me when I get to that point of complete hopelessness!
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First I pick up/throwaway all trash
Next put things where they are stored.
Third, load the dishwasher.
By now counters should be empty, so then clean.
Hi Elaine! That sounds like a solid way to tackle the mess 🙂
When my girls were little and seemed overwhelmed by the mess in their rooms, I made a game of it. I told them to pick up (and put away) everything that is blue, then come tell me when you’re done. Then I gave them another color, and repeated til everything was put away. This helped them focus on just a few things instead of the WHOLE mess!
I LOVE this Jennie! Thank you for sharing!
I did the same with my kids! And would mix it up with saying “anything round”, or ” this time pick up 8 items”, or have them pick the number. Any number was fine with me. Aw, memories.
I LOVE HOW CLEANING WITH YOUR KIDS HAS BECOME AN AWESOME MEMORY!!!! This just makes me heart happy Chrissy.
I definitely know what you mean! Sometimes you just get overwhelmed and wanna run away from it! This is great advice because it’s true, we have to accomplish one thing at a time. We can’t do everything at once so we shouldn’t feel like we have to.
haha – YES I totally wanna run away from it sometimes! It’s much easier to just break the big insurmountable task into small pieces 🙂
1.5
Wow!!! I thought it was just me that this happened to!! Thanks so much for the great advice:)
DEFINITELY not just you Karen 🙂
This is how I feel every few weeks! I am so happy I am not alone! Thank you!
Hey Rei! Nope… you are so very not alone!
This is so true!!! I am not a clutterer myself. I have 2 sisters that have the most difficult time parting with stuff. It’s always, “I may need that or someone I know might need that” In fact I was just at one of their houses last night helping declutter. I don’t completely understand why they are this way but I always try and help. We are a long way from done but I gave her a good start!! Thank for your article.
AW I bet your sisters are eternally grateful Gina – it is SO hard!
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Hi Carly,
Im glad somebody addressed the emotional difficulties that can be attached to messy houses. I feel like I’M the mess & have lots of shame around a messy house. What I love is creating a beautifully decorated house but I’ve been haunted by that deep overwhelment over the mess i can’t seem to get ahead of. Thanks for addressing these issues here.
HI Darienne! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post – you are certainly not alone. And you CAN get ahead of the mess. It will just take some serious effort.
Thank you so much for years I thought I was the only person that struggled with this problem. Any advice for becoming “unstuck ” when it comes to others belongings. I leave that stuff to pile up because I am afraid they will get upset if I move it or throw it away. Any help on that would be great!
DO these people live in your house Jenn? If they don’t live in your house I’d give ’em one last chance to come get it… and if they DO live in your house i’d give ’em once last chance to put it away. And then I’d deal with it myself if they don’t!
I feel overwhelmed with my mess, with a twist. I know it’s going to physically hurt for me to do any cleaning, as I have arthritis and fibromyalgia. Even on my good days, it still hurts a bit, and then I’d rather go out and do fun things. Not clean. Lately I’ve been trying to psych myself up to get into that huge shower and clean it. Gotta get inside it to clean it….and it’s better if I’m not wearing any clothes! Or maybe a swim suit. LOL. I usually clean for 10 minutes, sit for a while, get up and clean for 10 more minutes, sit again, and on and on. That gets frustrating too, as I just want it clean. And potatoes do smell the worst!
Jen I totally clean my shower the same way! ha! I don’t even bother with the swim suit tho! I use all norwex so I don’t worry about getting it on my skin. I’m so sorry to hear about the physical struggles you have… I can’t imagine how challenging that must be!
Jen, I too have arthritis and fibromyalgia and other health issues that make cleaning painful and I get overwhelmed by “the mess” but while the rest of my home seems uninhabitable my shower always sparkles. Every Tuesday, as soon as I turn off the water, before I get out of the shower, I wipe it down with a Mr Clean magic eraser. All of the other days I wipe it down with yesterday’s hand towel. This way it never gets dirty.
I’m glad I decided to read this in it’s entirety! I have ocd/add/depression from the clutter, etc…my problem is I lost my entire memory in 2004 (no short-term, but I got a lot back over a 13 year period, so I like everything to be exactly where I’ve put it so I don’t have to search for it…did I mention that I have an awesome 7-year old son who loves to help me clean (which is nice, since 100% of the time the mess was created by him…lol) and a 48-year old who is not bothered by clutter in the least little bit, but he does try to help me the best he can, bc thinking about what I need to do around here can spark a fun filled panic attack. Is there any one out there who can’t just tidy up a room…if I’m going to do something…I do it 110%, but if I don’t have enough time or energy to give 110%, then it gets postponed…does anyone have journals full of to-do lists that would be impossible for a full team of Molly Maids to complete?
WOW Rachel – that sounds like it must be on heck on an interesting story – I can’t get past the “lost my entire memory” part there. I can not imagine!! WOW! I think you would be excused for some clutter!
Rachel, as far as having to do something 110% or not at all, that’s being a perfectionist. And (I hate to inform you of this), since only Jesus was perfect, you will NEVER attain perfection! So, ease up on yourself & just do your best when you can. ?
Great advice Patti!!
We call this gamee,”where does this really belong?” And yes, it’s a game so my young kids will pitch in, because it really is their crayons and stuffed animals all over the floor. I got really mad at the mess one day and literally got rid of all art supplies except a handful of crayons and two coloring books. I threw a lot away and put some out of reach from the kids. A few weeks later and it has curbed the mess tremendously! Sometimes anger is good for decluttering!
haha anything that helps! Maybe a bit of anger at the stuff would do us all some good!
Nice to know I’m not the only one that feels paralyzed like this. Thank you!
You are 100% not alone Rhonda!
This is what works for me; if there is stuff all over the floor, say in a kid’s room,pick up everything and put it on the bed. Vacuum. Then put away one thing at a time from the bed. It is encouraging even at the beginning because the floor is at least clear. ‘Works the same way in the kitchen; just put everything on the island or table. Clean your counters and then start on your pile. Saying is still easier than starting tho’. I’d rather do almost anything else but clean!
I do this too Lee! Especially in the bedroom. I find then, that I am FORCED to finish the job if I want to go to bed LOL
I find that having three boxes lined up CLEARLY MARKED “Somewhere Else”, “Give Away” and “Trash” (or a trash can) helps. Otherwise I put that one thing away, and get sidetracked while I’m gone…
YES – and then get those boxes RIGHT OUT! (so the stuff doesn’t creep back out of them… cus, uh, that happens to me all the time. lol)