If your child has been invited to their first sleepover – or maybe invited to sleep over for the first time by a new friend that you don’t know or trust yet – you may be considering if sleep overs are right for your family or not, and with that, wondering how to say no to sleepover invitations for your kids.
There are many different reasons that you may want to decline sleepover invitations, and every single one of them is valid.
I personally think that we should normalize declining sleepovers to the point where invitations start with “Does your family do sleepovers”?
Declining an invitation can feel uncomfortable and impolite. But that’s not a reason to say yes!
Making the best choice for our children is more important than feeling comfortable and polite, but regardless, let’s also discuss practical ways that you can decline sleep over invitations without feeling awkward.
First, reasons why you may want to decline sleepovers:
There is nothing inherently bad about sleepovers.
In fact, I have many fantastic memories of sleepovers as a child!
But my experience isn’t everyone’s – as an adult, I’ve had plenty of conversations with other adults who didn’t share my experiences, and wished their parents would have had the back bone (and wisdom) to say no to sleepovers.
There are more and more families choosing to ‘just say no’ to sleepover invitations – and I believe this trend comes from the brave sharing of stories that social media has allowed. (It has a lot of draw backs, but it’s also encouraged us to talk about shared experiences in a new and revolutionary way.)
Some entirely valid reasons to decline sleepover invitations are include but are not limited to:
Different Household Rules
Perhaps you know the family that has invited your child for a sleepover – maybe you even trust them, however, your family rules vastly differ.
Perhaps this family is ok in your mind to have playdates and get-togethers with and you even enjoy spending time with them. But sending your child for an overnight stay is an entirely different story.
Whether their rules about playing outside unattended, walking around town without a parent, staying up to all hours, or what they can watch on TV, or something else that doesn’t align with what you are comfortable with for your child, it doesn’t matter.
The fact is, you know their rules don’t align with the ones you’ve set for your family so an overnight might make you hesitant.
Emotional Readiness
Even though many of us have great memories of sleepovers as a child even from a very young age, not all kids are the same.
Perhaps your kid is very emotional, highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or just clingy.
Not every child sees separating from their parents (even to spend time with a friend) as a good thing. The entire idea may SOUND great to them in the daytime, but come night time being separated from you might make them nervous and anxious instead of excited.
If your child isn’t enticed by the idea of a sleepover at all, or if YOU know that bed time is an emotional time, there is absolutely no reason to do sleepovers.
Health Issues or Differences
If your child has health issues or is neurodivergent, has severe allergies, is sensitive to mold, or is actively treating a disease or disorder, a sleepover can present more problems than it’s worth.
Children whose health is suffering often appear just fine to their peers, but an overnight stay would be too much or too complicated.
Also, if your child is neurodivergent their nighttime routine or wants may be extremely specific. There’s a good chance they need things to remain near the same as whatever conditions they thrive in.
Peer Pressure or Bad Influences
Sleepovers are special because you get to spend so much time with your peers and best friends.
This also means that sleepover parties are not regulated by parents 24/7.
This is part of the fun, but also opens up the opportunity for lots of less-than-ideal things to happen.
Cruelness, pushing boundaries, gossip, playing with things like Ouija boards, promiscuity, and more are known to take place during sleepovers due to the hours of the day and the lack of monitoring.
It is ok to warry of the possibilities.
Abuse Concerns
The most common – and, potentially the most frightening – reason that many parents choose to decline sleepovers these days is their fear of abuse of their child.
Your child should only be in overnight situations with people you know and trust. I’d go as far as to say, people you would let your child sleep in a bed with.
If you don’t know the parents, not only is it OK to decline, you SHOULD (in my opinion) decline.
If you don’t know who else will be staying there, ditto.
If the child your child is staying with has siblings, especially older ones, that you don’t know well, I think this is another reason to decline.
Anyone can be a predator and take advantage of children – and we know now that this happens far more than we ever believed in the past – and as parents, we need to hear that it’s ok to be aware of that and make social decisions accordingly.
While these are a lot of the most common concerns with sleepovers, there are even many more beyond this list, and you might just decide for your children… no sleepovers.
So here’s how to say no to sleepover invitations:
How To Say No To Sleepover Invitations For Your Kids
Whether or not the reason you decline the invitation is 100% honest or not is up to you. You don’t have to make up excuses, but you also don’t have to offer one.
Really, it’s no one’s business why you do or do not want to let your child attend their sleepover. That said, many other parents may not have thoughtfully considered all the reasons to rethink sleepovers, and I believe that honesty around the situation can be helpful for everyone.
You may feel comfortable enough with this person to be extremely straightforward as to your concerns… or you may want to reply with something more socially acceptable to soften the blow.
I’m providing lots of ideas of how to say no to sleepover invitations for kids so that you can pick and choose what feels right for you for each situation.
- Say, “We aren’t doing sleepovers right now”. This is my favorite way to decline a sleepover invitation, as it leaves the ball in your court for when you MIGHT be doing sleepovers, and requires no further explanation.
- Claim a family rule. You can simply explain that it is a family rule that you do not allow your kids to participate in sleepovers. You can explain why or choose to leave it at that. You can also choose to say that it is a family rule that they cannot attend sleepovers until whatever age you choose to share. (Be careful using this excuse if you DO allow your children to sleepover at house A, but not house B. You don’t want your child put in the position of having to explain “Mom let me go to house A, but not house B.”)
- Explain that you don’t do sleepovers because of your own negative experiences – if you have them. Or because of your sister’s negative experiences. Or your husband’s.
- Explain unreadiness. You can explain that while the idea of a sleepover sounds very fun, you don’t think your child is ready for an overnight commitment. As an alternative you can suggest they come over for an extra long evening (so they can stay up late doing movies, snacks, and games) but when it comes time for sleep they’ll head home instead. This late pickup alternative can work in conjunction with almost any excuse on this list as well.
- Blame schoolwork. Use your child needing to work on schoolwork as an excuse. Be aware that this type of excuse (whether true or not) will probably result in another invitation at a later date though. So if you are set on no sleepovers, this may not be the best choice long term.
- Use needing rest or health as an excuse. You can mention that your child really needs to catch up on rest (with or without a reason) so at this time sleepovers aren’t a good idea for them. You can also state it as more health related by saying your kiddo hasn’t been feeling their best lately or is dealing with some health issues and needs to get good rest.
- Blame early morning activities. This is probably one of the oldest excuses in the book for avoiding a sleepover. Explain that your family has an outing planned for early the following morning so your child can’t attend the sleepover.
- Use family time as an excuse. Explain that your family has special plans together at home in the evenings. Once again, you can choose to elaborate on this or not. If you choose to, you can explain how your family doesn’t have much time to connect throughout the days due to busy work and school schedules so you make a big point to spend the evenings together. You could also simply say your family has plans together that evening if you are just looking to say no to a sleepover this time or with this friend.
- Offer a playdate instead. If you are fully against sleepovers you can have a quick comeback with, “We don’t do sleepovers but we would love to plan a playdate this weekend!” It’s perfectly succinct and doesn’t require much explanation and won’t result in another invitation.
If you decline with kindness and extend an invitation for spending more time together, other parents will rarely be offended – because they are parents too.
Sleepovers can be a wonderful place to make lasting memories, but they can also be an open invitation for bad things to take place.
Know that whatever choices you make regarding sleepovers is the right choice – if you, as a parent – feel good about it. You do not owe your child or any other child or any other parent out there a sleepover.