If your kids are getting too old to believe that a magical man climbs down their chimney every year and you are ready to learn how to end Santa, you’re in the right place.
Or maybe your kids are still young, but you cringe inside every time they ask about Santa and elves and you lie to their beautiful little faces. (This was my personal reason for letting go of Santa… I wished I’d never taken part in it in the first place!)
No matter the reason, when we’ve perpetuated this silly little lie year after year, and it can be hard to know how or when to call it quits. If that’s where you find yourself, I’m here to give you a few different ideas on how to get rid of Santa once and for all.
3 Common reasons to Get Rid of Santa
“There’s a magical little man who smokes a pipe and has rosy red cheeks who travels to every single house in the world over a single night, proceeds to shimmy down billions of chimneys, and leaves everyone all the gifts they’ve been yearning for all year.”
Or at least that’s what we tell our kids.
When you think about it, it’s such a weird lie.
How can we expect our kids to believe us about important things like Jesus and the real meaning of Christmas when we perpetuate a huge lie to them year after year?
You’re Tired of Lying About Santa
Some people are ok with lying to their kids about trivial things or because we don’t feel they are old enough to know certain things, but lying to our kids doesn’t seem super uncomfortable for a lot of people.
Which I think is baffling.
I want my kids to trust the things I say, no matter what I’m saying. I want them to know I’m someone who thinks my words to them matter.
I don’t know why the Santa thing seemed so reasonable to me at first… maybe because I thought it was such a fun thing to do with them.
But now, I cringe inside when I have to answer questions about Santa.
This is why I wanted Santa over and done, but there’s other reasons to end the Santa myth also:
“Santa” Isn’t At All Fair
Maybe your kid has noticed that Santa isn’t fair.
Some kids at school got far better presents from Santa. Maybe some kids at school got lesser, or even no presents at all, from Santa.
Children aren’t stupid – they’ll notice that Santa’s not fair. There’s no way to explain this without further lies.
Should you let your kid believe that Santa likes other kids better? OR that Santa likes them more than he likes other kids?
Yikes.
“Santa” Disappointed Them
May you don’t have a problem with the Santa thing in general, but you’re in the sticky situation where Santa’s been flat out disappointing (or about to be).
It’s not uncommon for children in difficult situations to ask for impossible gifts – the return of a missing pet, the reunion of mom and dad, the healing of grandma… an entire Christmas (and even the following ones) can be destroyed when Santa doesn’t come through.
This is a very real and pressing reason to have an honest discussion with your child about why Santa can not do the things they hope he will do.
So, Let’s Explore How to End Santa
Ending the Santa myth can be tricky, but there are thoughtful ways to approach the situation while maintaining the magic and trust with your kids.
If done correctly, your kids will rebound quickly and – while they might be let down, they’ll understand why “Santa” exists.
Here are five easy ideas on how to approach ending Santa:
Just Stop Answering “Yes” To The Question “Is Santa a Real Person”
Your kids are smart – they’ve heard that Santa’s not real, they’ve noticed that no one else can squeeze down the chimney. They can’t figure out how he can get to every house in the world in one night.
When they ask you this, they’re putting their faith in your answer.
When they ask “Is Santa real”? Instead of YES, you can say: “What do you think?”
Or even just smile and wink.
This is the easiest way to approach Santa if you don’t want to lie… but do want to play along like everyone believes.
Tell them Santa is Real… But Santa is Mommy (or Daddy)
This explains that there’s never been a “lie”, you were just going by a different name.
Just like Daddy calls you by your first name (or maybe even “honey”?), at Christmas, you go by a different name also.
After all, presents from Santa ARE presents from Mommy and Daddy.
Tell Them About The “Big Kid Privilege”
Let your kids in on the secret – because they’re old enough to understand it now. (Doesn’t really matter how old they are, all kids believe they are big kids!)
Santa is a fun game we play with really little kids – and now they are big.
You can begin by saying, “Now that you’re older, you get to be in on something special that little kids aren’t ready for yet. You get to help us create the magic of Christmas!”
Explain that means more than just setting up the decorations and making everything look magical, it comes from the gift of giving. Ask them if they remember how hard it was to share when they were little? And even how hard it was to buy gifts for other people that they liked themselves and know that they were giving it away.
Tell them that is completely normal to feel as a little kid.
But the older they’ve gotten, the more they love to share and the more they love to give people things just to make them feel special. (Feel free to throw in some examples of their “big kindness” here).
Tell them that adults and big kids share a secret to create the magic of giving instead of receiving for the little ones during the holiday.
This tactic turns the end of the Santa myth into a privilege of maturity, so kids feel proud rather than disappointed. There still might be some disappointment in realizing that Santa isn’t real depending on their age, but this approach will definitely soften the blow a lot. They are now part of the secret that makes Christmas special for others.
Start referring to Santa as an event, rather than a person.
Just start – For example, instead of “when Santa comes this year” say “when Santa happens this year”, or “when we play Santa this year”…
Your kids will probably notice the shift and ASK you about this. They might even ask “Is Santa real”?
And this opens the door for you to say “YES! But he’s not a PERSON… Santa is a TRADITION.”
Explain that Santa is a “fun game that we play” to capture “the magic of Christmas.”
He’s a symbol of generosity, kindness, and love. Like Uncle Sam symbolizes America. He makes it into every 4th of July parade, but he is a symbol and a character at the same time. Much like Santa.
Santa is the name we give to our representation of the spirit of giving rather than an actual person.
Explain “secret Santa” games, and tell your kids that mom and dad do secret Santa for their kids to make Christmas more exciting. Suggest taking part in a secret Santa game for friends – so that your kids can see directly how exciting it is to give gifts anonymously.
That the real magic is watching someone’s face light up as they receive something special.
RELATED: The Best Secret Santa Gift Ideas
You can share that when that happens, you are purely enjoying their joy and not the gratitude and praise that you get for buying that person something, and that is the true spirit of Santa. Say, “when you can understand that concept like you can now, you are ready to know how and why we use Santa to share the magic of the holiday, and this is why I’m tell you about how Santa really happens.”
Read a Book Together About The Historical Truth of Santa
There are plenty of great books out there designed to guide you and your kids in this conversation. For example, The (Wonderful) Truth About Santa (here on Amazon).
Share the true story of St. Nicholas, a generous man who gave gifts to the poor.
Then explain how over time, this evolved into the figure of Santa Claus we know today. People wanted to carry on his traditions and make it a bit more magical in the process.
Let them know that Santa is absolutely inspired by a real person, and many families keep the tradition to honor his spirit of giving. Explain that it isn’t meant to be a lie, but more like honoring the tradition of a great man with great ideas.
Explain that young children aren’t quite able to understand that giving is the true beauty of the holiday, so they can’t understand why there needs to be something magic doing the giving. But older children, like they are now, can understand that the day isn’t about “me, me, me” and “more, more, more” and they can now understand how seeing the happiness of those you love and expecting nothing in return (as the gifts aren’t seen as being from you) brings the greatest joy of all.
If you have helped your children with learning ways to serve others at Christmas throughout the years, this concept may be easier for them to grasp.
While ending Santa can feel like a sad time because your child is growing up and you know that mystery will be gone forever, it can also be a huge relief.
No more sneaking or lying, just celebrating Jesus’ birth and the gift that giving truly is as a family of more mature children, not to mention fostering a relationship with your children where they know you are trustworthy.
Every year can be just as fun and special as it ever has been. Each of these approaches focuses on maintaining the spirit of Santa, transitioning your child to a new role within the tradition, and helping them feel empowered rather than disillusioned. Which approach do you think will work best with your child? Let me know in the comments below.